Mother Mother

For the past few months... three to be exact, I've been in denial. Denial about becoming a mother. I've always been sensitive about the subject, I've always thought that I would never have kids and I've always thought that if I did, I wouldn't be very good at it.

So when I found out I was pregnant, it was a mixed blessing. It was a mixed blessing because of selfishness, because I didn't want to get bigger, I wanted to sleep in and I didn't want to go through the pain that is child birth. But, I think, where I am in my life.. I couldn't be more ready. My partner has a great job, we have a great house and our life was slowing down into a happy groove. I can afford to stay home and take care of my kids, Terry has a great work schedule so he would be around more to help me, I have a great support group here and where I live is very family orientated. So what more did I need? Its all here. But still in the back of my mind, I've had a hard time adjusting.

Until today. Thanks to the wonderful world of Facebook, I came across an article posted by an old friend from school. Brenda Derkacz has leukemia, she has had cancer/leukemia for a few years and for those years she has selflessly fought for her life. I've been lucky in my life to know people like her, some have passed and some have stayed and I hope to god that she stays. I know she will.

So today when I read that article, and read how she got got cancer for the first time shortly after her son was born, it hit me hard. Here I am pregnant with my first child and what if something were to happen to me? or Terry? I've been thinking about this all day, thinking about my own mortality and thinking about leaving my selfishness out the window. I am ready to become a mum, and I am ready to work for anything life throws my way. Brenda, I admire you, I admire your selflessness and I know that in my heart you will see your children grow up and start their own lives... just like we did.

This is the posting to the article I read this morning, I encourage my five readers to read it and send positive vibes her way

http://www.bclocalnews.com/vancouver_island_south/goldstreamgazette/news/100050784.html

ttyl.